It’s been about a year since NSR, my mother, and I drove across the country to move him here. It’s been over six months since we were married in front of a small group of people in an unrehearsed ceremony. And, it’s only been a few months since I was baptized, confirmed, and received my first communion. In an equally unrehearsed ceremony. Our priest doesn’t seem to like rehearsing.
Life around here is good, even if it isn’t without its struggles. No life ever is.
In honor of us passing the six month mark, I wanted to write up a little post with some thoughts about how NSR has enriched my life and what I would lose if I was dumb enough to leave him.
Some of them are really simple, small things. He introduced me to my favorite band and an entire genre of music I’d never heard. Music I probably never would have heard. [This is a much gentler song than their usual fair and contains no swearing].
What started as a joke totally revolutionized my music experience.
NSR likes to tease me that I married him for his Amazon Prime account, while that isn’t true. I have to admit, I really enjoy being able to finally watch Deep Space Nine and explore the Original series as well. I had to throw that in since we’re on the topic of media at the moment.
As I mentioned in a previous post, his presence has revitalized my artwork. He’s given me a new enjoyment of it. Art for art’s sake. So it isn’t nearly as depressing that my art isn’t selling at all and I can’t get an art grant to save my life. It doesn’t matter because it is something we do together. We sit in coffeehouses and draw like a pair of beatniks.
He gives me the power to wear slightly unconventional styles and not feel sheepish or embarrassed. If he says it looks good, well, that’s all that matters. No one else’s opinion matters as far as my looks are concerned. The same goes with my weight. All you people out there who accuse me of being anorexic, who look down on me for not being overweight? You no longer have the power to drag me down, no power to shame me (If anyone knows how much I eat, it’d be NSR).
He compliments my homemaking efforts and encourages me in my new endeavors. He finds my container gardening endearing.
I can sleep at night. I can’t properly emphasize this for anyone who isn’t me. There are very real, legitimate, terrifying reasons I used to be unable to sleep. Even heavy duty sleep medication couldn’t knock me out. Now I sleep soundly every night with him by my side.
I have a mother in law who adores me. NSR is convinced that if we lived in the same town she’d probably go out for lunch with me at least once a week. She sends us a card every holiday and sent me a beautiful rosary after my baptism.
Speaking of my baptism, my faith is growing by leaps and bounds, nurtured by the church. I’m actually reading the Bible for the first time in my life. Yeah, I was one of those Christians who had never read the Bible. I’m working on rectifying that. Also, I probably never would have gotten baptized if not for NSR. My old church never suggested it was anything other than symbolic. A crucifix, a wedding gift, hangs from the wall behind me, reinforcing the spiritual integrity of our home and reminding me of my walk as a Christian. If I left NSR, I’d have to leave God too. I’d have to leave our church, I’d have to pack away the crucifix, my new Bible, the rosary, my baptismal candle and our engaged encounter candle. To break with him is to break with God. That is true in all divorces. Our situation simply makes me more aware of that truth, actually it makes that truth unavoidable. I can be under no illusions about that reality.
Finally and very personally, he has given me the opportunity to pursue my greatest dream, the dream of being a mother. The dream that no one bothered to ask me if I had. Who knows when God will decide to bless us, but needless to say, without him I’d never be able to receive that blessing.
Many thanks to my love, may we spend the rest of our days together, just as we vowed to.