Tag Archives: wifely duties

EG: “It’s Good to Have You Home”

I’ve been away from this blog so long I practically feel like I need to reintroduce myself. I’ll skip that though.

Some of you may or may not know that I did acquire a job around a year and a half ago. It took me awhile to get up to speed and it was tough work, but I liked it. Then, this year rolled around and I started to experience difficulty handling the job. One day in May I came home exhausted beyond comprehension and the summer was similarly hard. I worked only one or two days a week generally, but I got sick with some sort of respiratory issue every single time. During that time there was a potential threat that surfaced. My husband said, “You need a new job”. I began to look and alerted my boss I was looking. Eventually my car broke down at work due to a dead battery and after the ordeal (it was my birthday no less), I admitted, “I was really hoping the breakdown was serious enough I would have to quit” and my husband agreed. The last straw occurred when there was a tropical storm blowing in and my husband sent me a text saying “If it gets dangerous, go home”. I realized that I couldn’t obey his order and I did not like that. The growing realization that the money I was making absolutely did not make up for the stress I was inflicting on myself and my husband crystallized. Neither did it make up for all of much more important things I could not do because I was working. Everything I legitimately cared about was suffering mightily over less than $500 a month on average.

I searched frantically for a new job, but couldn’t find one.

So I did the only thing I could. I handed the reins over to God and walked over that cliff. I handed in my resignation. I still worked for four more weeks, wrote my thank you cards and said goodbye to the community I had been serving. When I got home that afternoon, my husband hugged me and said, “It’s good to have you home”. It is good to be home. I am praying hard that God will make a way for me to stay home and attend to what is actually important. I am thankful I worked that job, if only for the fact that it made me realize my place is at home serving my husband.

Of course, no one I talk to really understands that. Everyone has some reason or other to insist that I ought to keep working in some fashion. It’s been hard enough to argue them down to just suggesting part time work to me. The biggest concession I’ve gotten is from my mother, when she agreed to pray my husband gets a better job first and then pray for me after that. It really is exhausting wanting to do something that is outside of modern norms.

I feel like I need to write some sort of (preferably pithy) conclusion to this, but as it stands this whole situation is far from concluded. I’ll just have to wait and see what door God decides to open. In the mean time, your prayers are appreciated.


#NoNothingNovember

I saw this over at Stingray’s and since it dovetailed nicely with what I’ve been thinking about anyway, I decided I will be participating. I can’t say I intend to actually enter the contest, since I don’t focus too heavily on manosphere stuff or write for men as my target audience. I’m mostly just doing this because I was thinking only yesterday that I needed some more structure in my life, so I thought about it awhile and came up with three goals.

1. Get up at a decent hour and go to bed at a decent hour.

I have about a million different ways I could add structure to my life, but for me building habits is a one-step-at-a-time deal. So I decided to start with something simple. Making sure I get up a decent hour will make it much easier to use my time more efficiently and make it easier to get up on the rare occasions that I work during the week. I discussed this with NSR (he’s in charge of the alarm clock) and we decided 7:30 am would be a good time for me to get up. I’ll probably be aiming for a bedtime between 9:30 and 10 pm.

2. Finish things on the same day I start them.

I couldn’t come up with a better way to phrase this goal, given that it covers several categories of housework. What I mean is that pots and mixing bowls get washed on the same day they’re used; laundry doesn’t languish in the basket or worse yet, the dryer; dishes don’t sit on the counter long after they’re dry, etc. I’ve never been in charge of all the steps of any housekeeping task before, but I need to learn to get it all done so that the house won’t be a total disaster when kids come along.

3. Do something creative every day.

I haven’t been paying much attention to my artwork or my writing lately and that isn’t good for me. I need to keep my creative juices flowing. So everyday I will do at least one of these: knit, sew, draw, paint, write (poetry or fiction), decorate house (with stuff we already have or free things I can acquire, no shopping), garden, or learn a new creative skill/craft. I’m also going to count squaredancing, Altar Society meetings, and “service opportunities” like helping at the church Halloween party tomorrow as creative things. I’m also allowed to read if I’m doing research for something creative.

I may add more things if I manage to master one of these too quickly, but for now I’m going to leave it at that.


EG: The Time and Place for Hierarchy

This is a quick thought inspired by an episode of The Twilight Zone. I won’t spoil the episode, because it is quite excellent, I will simply say that a man complains that his superior officer has brought the “chain of command and the book” into a place where it didn’t belong, a crisis situation.

This made me stop to think. The hierarchy within any given group is not meant to be abandoned at the first sign of trouble. Times of trouble are when that hierarchy is needed most. Why did you bother figuring out who was the best leader if that weren’t the case? Times of trouble are when leaders must lead the most unapologetically and followers must follow most obediently. That is not the time for hesitation or refusing to obey. Being able to have faith in your leader is a great comfort in times of trouble. For the leaders themselves, being given the faith of their followers and being allowed to concentrate on the task of bringing everyone through in one piece is the most basic help they can be given by their followers.

I had a very small example of this recently. I was getting worked up over something minor, as I occasionally do. NSR was trying to help me through it and I was initially being difficult. Then as he instructed me to do something and a very unsubmissive thought began to enter my head, I shouted myself down inside my head, thinking “SHUT UP and TRUST HIM!”. I did so and calmed down almost instantly, despite the fact that the matter didn’t get resolved at that point. Respecting the hierarchy and having faith in the man I chose to marry helped me deal with the situation.

Someone else around here had and excellent post up about this recently but I can’t for the life of me remember who. When I remember I’ll update with a link.

Wives, you must take a minute to look at your husband and commit to trusting him. It will help you more than you expect. To the women who are seeking husbands, set aside your checklists for a moment and evaluate whether or not you can trust this man when the going gets rough. If not, break it off early and save the both of you a great deal of heartache.


MS: Setting a Pattern of Joy

Yesterday, Margery wrote a post about two videos about Fighting Bitterness, which you should check out because they are really great.

It got me thinking about how everyone says that the early stages of marriage are really awesome because you’re still high on all of the emotions and hormones (which, so far seems to be 100% true), and how you should make a point of making good memories to fall back on when times get tough.

I think married couples should be encouraged to make more than just good memories, but good habits as well. I mean, when we get a new car or a new pet, or move into a new place we make a point to go through certain motions everyday to be sure everything is done properly until we make them into a habit. It’s easier to do it at that stage because it is new and exciting, it doesn’t yet feel like an obligation. Much like you don’t wait to start looking behind your car when you back until after you run over something, you shouldn’t wait until times get tough to learn to forgive and appreciate your spouse. Make a point to associate tasks with good memories, so you’re more inclined to do them. This is also the best time for candid discussions about things that legitimately do bother you, so they don’t keep building until you blow over it. If you do suddenly explode, your spouse will be confused and hurt, and you will be angrier than will seem logical to anyone other than you. Ask your spouse about things you do that bother them and make an effort to work on them now, when you naturally tackle their every request with enthusiasm because you love them so. Also make a point to weed out friends who don’t respect your spouse now, rather than later. They will poison you if you don’t. They can’t hate your spouse and love you, the two of you are one flesh now, if they hate your spouse, they hate you too.

Reinforce these habits whenever you can, so it is easier to fall back on them even when times are bleak.

At the Catholic Engaged Encounter we attended, the priest told us a story about a couple who had been married a long time and got into a big fight. The wife left the husband a note saying something along the lines of, “I hate you and I’m going for a walk. Don’t forget to pack yourself a lunch, I love you” then signed with her name. She wrote “I love you” despite being incredibly angry with him. Another couple he knew had been married fifty years and people always assumed the marriage had been all roses. They surprised people with stories of hardship and heartache. When they were asked if they thought of divorce they would respond, “Murder, yes, but divorce, never!”

You’re in this for the long haul, be sure to pack the right attitude and habits.

As a bonus, here is a video sure to make you smile. It’s not simply funny or cute, but legitimately joyful. You’ll especially like it if you’re a fan of Singing in the Rain.

I promise it isn’t an AMV set to a terrible pop song.


MS: Breakfast Quiche

When I finally acquired a pie dish this recipe was the first thing on my mind. It’s very simple and is one of the only ways I will eat eggs.

Ingredients:

  • 3 eggs
  • 3/4 cup milk
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 cup of shredded Cheddar cheese
  • 1 cup of chopped cooked ham (or bacon)
  • 1 unbaked 9 inch pie shell

Directions:

Put the pie shell into the pie dish. I just use a pre-made one since I don’t eat crust. Sprinkle the in the cheese and put the meat on top of it. You can substitute bacon for the ham, but if you do be sure to leave out the salt. Beat the eggs, milk, salt and pepper together and pour over the ham and cheese. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes before cutting and serving. Substituting bacon makes the quiche a bit thinner, meaning you can probably cut down the bake time by a few minutes. Ideally the quiche should be a fairly moist and not at all brown on the top.

 


The Home We’ve Made

It’s been about a year since NSR, my mother, and I drove across the country to move him here. It’s been over six months since we were married in front of a small group of people in an unrehearsed ceremony. And, it’s only been a few months since I was baptized, confirmed, and received my first communion. In an equally unrehearsed ceremony. Our priest doesn’t seem to like rehearsing.

Life around here is good, even if it isn’t without its struggles. No life ever is.

In honor of us passing the six month mark, I wanted to write up a little post with some thoughts about how NSR has enriched my life and what I would lose if I was dumb enough to leave him.

Some of them are really simple, small things. He introduced me to my favorite band and an entire genre of music I’d never heard. Music I probably never would have heard. [This is a much gentler song than their usual fair and contains no swearing].

What started as a joke totally revolutionized my music experience.

NSR likes to tease me that I married him for his Amazon Prime account, while that isn’t true. I have to admit, I really enjoy being able to finally watch Deep Space Nine and explore the Original series as well. I had to throw that in since we’re on the topic of media at the moment.

As I mentioned in a previous post, his presence has revitalized my artwork. He’s given me a new enjoyment of it. Art for art’s sake. So it isn’t nearly as depressing that my art isn’t selling at all and I can’t get an art grant to save my life. It doesn’t matter because it is something we do together. We sit in coffeehouses and draw like a pair of beatniks.

He gives me the power to wear slightly unconventional styles and not feel sheepish or embarrassed. If he says it looks good, well, that’s all that matters. No one else’s opinion matters as far as my looks are concerned. The same goes with my weight. All you people out there who accuse me of being anorexic, who look down on me for not being overweight? You no longer have the power to drag me down, no power to shame me (If anyone knows how much I eat, it’d be NSR).

He compliments my homemaking efforts and encourages me in my new endeavors. He finds my container gardening endearing.

I can sleep at night. I can’t properly emphasize this for anyone who isn’t me. There are very real, legitimate, terrifying reasons I used to be unable to sleep. Even heavy duty sleep medication couldn’t knock me out. Now I sleep soundly every night with him by my side.

I have a mother in law who adores me. NSR is convinced that if we lived in the same town she’d probably go out for lunch with me at least once a week. She sends us a card every holiday and sent me a beautiful rosary after my baptism.

Speaking of my baptism, my faith is growing by leaps and bounds, nurtured by the church. I’m actually reading the Bible for the first time in my life. Yeah, I was one of those Christians who had never read the Bible. I’m working on rectifying that. Also, I probably never would have gotten baptized if not for NSR. My old church never suggested it was anything other than symbolic. A crucifix, a wedding gift, hangs from the wall behind me, reinforcing the spiritual integrity of our home and reminding me of my walk as a Christian. If I left NSR, I’d have to leave God too. I’d have to leave our church, I’d have to pack away the crucifix, my new Bible, the rosary, my baptismal candle and our engaged encounter candle. To break with him is to break with God. That is true in all divorces. Our situation simply makes me more aware of that truth, actually it makes that truth unavoidable. I can be under no illusions about that reality.

Finally and very personally, he has given me the opportunity to pursue my greatest dream, the dream of being a mother. The dream that no one bothered to ask me if I had. Who knows when God will decide to bless us, but needless to say, without him I’d never be able to receive that blessing.

Many thanks to my love, may we spend the rest of our days together, just as we vowed to.


EG: Ladies, Stop Demanding Compensation

My Engagement Ring

My Engagement Ring

That picture is of my engagement ring. It’s way too big and it came out of one of those hand-crank toy vending machines at a local pizzeria.  And you know what? I love it. I wouldn’t trade it for a ring encrusted with diamonds, because the man I love more than anyone else gave it to me.

Recently I ran across an ad from a jewelry company that said something along the lines of “If you get her the right ring, she’ll say yes!” I didn’t keep the ad and I don’t want to advertise for the company in any fashion. I thought to myself that if a man has to buy a woman a fancy ring to convince her to say yes, he should probably dump her, not marry her. Heck, if he has to get her a ring at all when he asks, he might want to reconsider. Another fun fact about my ring, he gave it to me around six months after we got engaged.

Honestly, the selfishness of some women and the fact that society encourages them to be selfish really flabbergasts me. They want fancy proposals, fancy rings, and “push presents”. While NSR and I joke once in awhile that I married him for his Amazon Prime account, his Dark Knight Trilogy blurays or whatever, we don’t actually mean it. He didn’t propose to me in a fancy way. I was sitting on his lap in the computer room of my mother’s house. He didn’t get me a fancy ring (though my wedding ring is gorgeous). He won’t be getting me any push presents, because there’s no reason for him to and I’ll be so gaga over the baby I won’t care anyway. Being married to him and eventually having his kids is not some sort of duty I have to be convinced to do or compensated for. It’s something I want to do.

It’s like I tweeted during ROK’s #backtothekitchen week.

backtothekitchentweet

If you aren’t willing to do a basic task for your man, if you aren’t willing to marry him if he doesn’t give you a fancy ring, if you aren’t willing to have his kids unless he gives you a fancy present, why are you with him? Examine your heart and remember that if you’re married to him, you can’t leave him. You have to get your heart in the right place and stop demanding compensation. A good way to start adjusting your attitude towards him is to look for his good qualities and what he does well.